When I was teaching myself how to play the guitar, I used to keep my crappy $50 student guitar right by my bed. This meant that I could play right up until I was almost asleep, and could essentially lay in bed on the weekends and practice without even having to get up. I can’t decide if that’s because I loved playing so much, or if I’m just incredibly good at finding creative ways to indulge my inherent laziness. Tough call.

Because of this habit, the first song I wrote, I wrote in bed. It came in a rush, music and lyrics all at once, and I sang through it a few times laying there twiddling with my crappy guitar before hopping out of bed to get a pen and write it down.

The song attached to this post wasn’t written in bed, but it did come all in a rush like that. It showed up one morning as I was getting ready for work. I’d taken a few minutes to play through a song (playing a couple tunes in the morning does me as much good as fifteen minutes of meditation), and then next thing I knew, I was writing somethign new.  I don’t know if the speed of the writing has anything to do with how close to home the lyrics are, as if they’re just unfiltered and raw, straight from my subconscious….but it took a minute for me to feel like I could even perform this in front of people.

But, since I’m doing all this therapy getting in touch with my emotions and stuff…I decided to have some guts and put it out there. And I think the song is actually some of my better work, even if it does play into that angsty-chick-with-acoustic-guitar stereotype I often try to dodge. C’est la vie.

Who I am
Who I was
Who I might be someday
All the masks I have worn
All the games I have played

I’m so tired
I’m exhausted
I can’t do it anymore
I’m through pretending I care
What all this struggle’s for

And I don’t have the answers
To questions I was never asked
But I’m pretty sure my future
Is the wages of my past

All this suffering
All this pain
All my sorry tales of woe
I’m leaving them behind
I don’t need them anymore

I’m putting down
All those burdens
I picked up so long ago
They were never really mine
So I’m just letting go

And I don’t have the answers
For questions I was never asked
BUt I’m pretty sure my future
Is the wages of my past

I’ve been dreaming
I’ve been hoping
I’ve been wishing on stars
Someday I’ll be free
These chains around my heart

Come on sunrise
Come on morning
Come on brand new day
I’m ready for beginnings
That all work out my way

I don’t have the answers
For questions I was never asked
But I’m pretty sure my future
Is the wages of my past

I don’t have the answers
For questions I was never asked
But I’m pretty sure my future
Is the wages of my past